After the fall

I had my drumming lesson tonight, and I'll admit, I was nervous about seeing my teacher after the debacle that was my public debut last Thursday.

"You weren't as bad as some other first timers" he said.

"You just need to play softer when the music starts to fade."

I wanted to cry with relief.

"Does that mean you'll let me play with you again sometime?"

"Yes, yes, of course!"

At which point I got that doofy grin thing going on. My biggest fear after the disaster was that he would decide that I was not fit to play in public.

It's funny. I used to teach childbirth classes to couples who wanted to have natural births. Every now and then, a couple would end up needing medication during their labor and they would be so ashamed to tell me, like they had somehow failed. But of course they hadn't. One can NEVER predict the nature of a labor, and sometimes intervention is necessary. Plus, I only wanted to reassure them that they did everything they could to prepare for a natural birth, and that I was nothing but proud of their efforts. Sometimes these women would actually weep when I told them I was proud of them.

It is hard when you think you have disappointed your teacher. But as a teacher, I knew that students were always harder on themselves than I ever would be.

I made a lot of mistakes during class tonight, but I still couldn't get that goofy grin off my face.

I love drumming.

Confidential to E.L.: Thank you for calling me the other day. It helped to talk to you about it!